1st woman: Hi! Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How’d you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: ; It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about …
Newcastle upon Tyne is the most northerly city in England. Travelling from the south by road or rail you cannot fail to be impressed by the outstretched arms of the Angel of the North welcoming you to this Geordie heartland.
My worldly possessions tucked into one red suitcase weighing 22 lbs, and hand luggage consisting of one laptop, passport, purse, and some incomprehensible paper all written in Arabic.
After having a recent waxing treatment at the Beauty Salon for my eyebrows, the therapist turned to me and asked if I had heard of Eyebrow Threading
What’s your gut got to do with happiness? When you feel depressed, stressed or anxious, the chances are you don’t think that your digestive system has anything to do with it.
I wasn’t sure how I got to where I am in life without being permanently damaged. The dinner with the Ex’s had proved an interesting tale. The minute I collected Husband No 2 he whined about everything and quietly I said a little thank you to the au pair for running off with him
I am taking out Husband No 2 tomorrow. Its his birthday and as he is far away from ( his) home, I thought I would be nice and help him celebrate it. I also thought I would ask Husband No 3 as the pair of them get on quite well and No 2 stays with No 3 when he is back in the UK
Husband No 2 ran off with the Au Pair but I have forgiven him. Added to that as she is twenty three years younger than me, I can leave the caring for the elderly husband to her and give myself time off for good behaviour. I think he has now taken Russian Citizenship which may be useful to know come the next revolution, Comade
Anyway Son No 3 thought it an extremely funny thing to do and promptly invited himself along as well I dont mind them all coming its just I always get landed with the Bill. Added to that Husband No 2 doesnt like to take his car into the town at night in case he is ambushed ( I know, I know, reality check please Sir) and so I will have to collect him. As I am already lumbered with taking Son No 3 now, I am not sure where they will all fit in, save that one of them is going to have to sit in either the boot ( far too small) or the floor well ( a possibility for No 3 Son but certainly not for Husband No 2 who currently seems to be tipping the scales at 18 stone plus) 
There is a bit of a chill in the air at the moment between myself and The Pilot . It’s over several things and I haven’t decided which is more worthy than the other. 
The Pilot has decided to buy another motorcycle. I knew it was a done deal when he woke up Saturday morning and told me he had booked somewhere “posh” for dinner that night. The alarm bells rang because as of late, well the past two years, the Pilot has never booked anything off his own back or willingly gone out when it’s cold.
Gunter Comes to Stay
I have to remark that there is a vast improvement on Sunday mornings. The Aviation Quiz has been sidelined. Thankfully. However, although I am now freed from answering questions on “ automatic pilot” and “ oil pressure on flaps”, it has been replaced with listening to various snippets from Motorcycle News or MCN to those in the know!
Now whilst I patiently sip my Redbush morning beverage I am listening how to bleed brakes and which is the best oil nipple to use. Scintillating…. I should coco. All of this has come about since Gunter arrived just before Christmas. If there was ever any question about Three in the Marriage, we have the question answered now. In fact not only do I feel I vie with Gunter for the Pilot’s affections AND attention, but they went off and left me all alone on News Year Day
In a small attempt to keep harmony and good will here at Chez Nous, The Pilot agreed that Gunter should go and stay indefinitely at my parent’s house. Thing is, every time he slips out, I wonder if he is going up to see him rather than, as he rashly declares “off to get a haircut darling and I won’t be long!”
I managed to get a couple of cheap laughs in the monthly newsletter. I told the story of when I drove over the Pilot. Honestly, it was a lot of fuss over nothing but it got me into a lot of trouble, I can tell you.
Having parked in a bit of a dicey spot, I rammed the skirt on the front of the bumper. Being in a hurry I forgot about it and went to collect a student. Having said my usual “ Hello and Welcome” I proceeded to bundle him and his numerous suitcases into the car and went to drive away. However, the Pilot obviously having nothing to do that day happened to spot that I had unclicked the skirt on the bumper and gesticulated that I was to stop so that he could attend to it.
Not being one to disobey the Pilot, even on a good day, I promptly pulled over so he could take a look underneath. As you can imagine, the Pilot is not one to do anything in a hurry and after a few moments my mobile rang. It was an Agent from Germany who was calling about a particularly fussy client. As I could see the call would take some time I thought it more sensible to pull over somewhere safe and not be accused by the Local Bobby of taking a call without using a hands free.
So I promptly put the car in gear and trie
d to move somewhere sensible. At first the car didnt go and it appeared that it was being blocked by something. Being very quick to notice this, I imagined that it was probably caught on the side of the high pavement and so thought it best to rev up a bit more and try to drive over the obstacle. So I did
And all of this I did whilst still taking the phone call and being efficient. However after the second time of trying to free the car from the said obstruction I heard an almighty scream from outside and felt a shiver of fear run through me. I continued to keep speaking on the phone but from the back of the car came a little foreign voice ( you will remember I had a student in the back) saying “ Mrs Lady, I think you have just run the car over the big man!” And there you have it folks, I had indeed run over the Pilot!!
I would like to start by saying لقد يوم جيد
The Pilot has been doing a lot of sweating and sucking his teeth lately on account of his recent location. The sucking of his teeth is due to the sand blowing about in the high winds. Its not easy drinking your tea and hoping the sand doesn’t blow in at the same time. The sweating, of course, due to temperatures of 45 degrees plus. Still, as Jane Fonda used to say, “ no gain without pain”
However, I am pleased because he has re-instated the Emergency Credit Card. As I said, there is a bonus to everything ! Having taken a two year Sabbatical to help me in the business, he deemed that the credit card did not need to go out of his wallet as he was around to authorise any extra ordinary expenses. For authorisation of “ necessaries” please read that it did not allow any nice Gina Sandals and certainly no more LV luggage. Now he has gone and is worried that calamity might befall me again he has released his hold on said Credit card and allowed me to spend with, an amount of discretion.
Decisions
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but… Something happened. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.”
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You’ve got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did – better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn’t come cheap. It’s £1,000 an inch.”
The man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says, “It’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.”
I received a bit of a dressing down from the Pilot last night. It would appear I didnt double check and possibly even triple check the Guest List with him for the Curry Luncheon and have invited a couple of scallies! As The Pilot is now considering a position on the Committee of the Shoreham Society it would appear we have to be seen to be upright standing citizens.
They retired to Belarus to do not a lot and not a lot is seems they do. Anyway, because he smokes about 150 cigarettes a day ( Folks, I kid you not.. ) they are unable to fly to UK and need to drive so that he can feed his nicotine habit along the way.
During your comparison, also compare the cost of the cheapest dual fuel supplier with separate cheap gas and cheap electricity suppliers.
